How to Keep Your Divorce Low Conflict (and Your Sanity Intact)

Feb 25

Divorce is rarely easy, but it doesn’t have to be a never-ending battle. A low-conflict divorce can save time, money, and stress while making co-parenting and future interactions with your ex more manageable. If you have children, keeping things amicable is even more important, as it sets the tone for a cooperative parenting relationship moving forward.

NOTE: There are some situations that are just going to be contentious no matter what your do because the other party hasn’t come to the table with an eye toward resolution, or come to the table at all. However, even if this is the case, below are some tips to keep things as reasonable as possible and improve your credibility before the judge.

So, how do you navigate the process without unnecessary conflict? Below some strategies to help you reach a fair resolution without turning your divorce into a years long money pit and decreasing the likelihood that you will have a successful coparenting relationship because unfortunately - yes, you’re most likely going to be dealing with this person on some level for the rest of your life.

1. Approach Divorce as a Negotiation, Not a Battle

It’s natural to have strong emotions during a divorce, but treating it like a fight to be won usually makes things harder for both parties and tanks the chances of resolving conflicts early and peacably. Instead, think of the process as a business negotiation where the goal is to reach a practical, fair resolution.

Focus on what truly matters in the long run rather than getting caught up in small disputes.
Compromise where possible, especially on things that won’t impact your long-term well-being.
Keep emotions out of legal decisions—your settlement should be based on fairness, not frustration.

2. Consider Alternative Dispute Resolution Methods

Court battles are expensive and stressful. If you and your spouse are able to communicate productively, consider alternatives like:

Mediation – A neutral mediator helps both parties work toward an agreement on property division, custody, and other important issues.
Collaborative Divorce – Each party has an attorney, but both commit to resolving disputes without litigation.
Uncontested Divorce – If you and your spouse are already in agreement, you can file paperwork without prolonged legal proceedings.

These methods often lead to faster, more amicable outcomes than litigation. If you aren’t yet at the point you can communicate productively, seek out an impartial facilitator to help until you’ve gotten your sea legs and can move forward.

3. Communicate Clearly and Respectfully

Good communication can prevent small disagreements from turning into major disputes. If direct conversations are difficult, consider using email or co-parenting apps like OurFamilyWizard, Talking Parents, 2 Houses and WeParent to keep discussions organized and respectful.

Stick to the facts and keep messages brief and to the point.
Avoid blame, sarcasm, or emotional arguments.
If discussing child-related matters, keep the focus on what’s best for them rather than personal grievances.

4. Prioritize the Well-Being of Your Children

If you have kids, their well-being should guide every decision. A low-conflict divorce can help minimize their stress and create a more stable environment for them.

Keep them out of adult conflicts—avoid discussing legal issues in front of them.
Work together to establish a fair and realistic parenting plan that prioritizes their needs.
Be flexible when necessary, as life and schedules can change over time.

If co-parenting is difficult, consider working with a family counselor or mediator to establish healthy communication.

5. Set Healthy Boundaries

It’s important to establish new boundaries during and after the divorce process. This helps prevent unnecessary arguments and allows both parties to move forward.

Define how and when you will communicate (e.g., only about necessary matters, at set times, and through agreed-upon methods).
Avoid revisiting past arguments—focus on resolving present issues.
Respect each other’s personal space and new lives moving forward.

6. Work with Professionals Who Support a Peaceful Resolution

The professionals you choose can significantly impact the tone of your divorce. Look for:

An attorney who focuses on resolution rather than conflict. Some attorneys encourage aggressive tactics, but that often leads to prolonged disputes and higher costs.
A financial professional to help with asset division and long-term planning.
A mediator or counselor if you need help communicating effectively.

7. Keep the End Goal in Mind

Divorce is a transition, not a competition. The goal is to create a fair settlement and a livable arrangement for both parties so you can move forward with your life.

Focus on long-term stability rather than short-term emotions.
Keep legal costs down by avoiding unnecessary disputes.
Trust that with time, the challenges of divorce will pass, and a new chapter will begin.

By keeping your divorce low conflict, you’ll save yourself stress, time, and money—while setting yourself up for a smoother future. If you need legal guidance, consider consulting an attorney who specializes in amicable resolutions.